Men – Reverse A Bad Impression With 5 Steps

by Dr. Karen Ruskin on June 29, 2012

Can men reverse a bad impression that they have made with a potential love interest or current partner? Can men redeem themselves, or once an impression has been made is that it, case closed, all is lost? The answer: YES! Redemption can indeed be had, men can reverse a bad impression with the right strategies. Below you will find 5 ways upon which to help increase the chances for reversing a bad impression. No, this is not a guarantee as there are many variables at play, although, by arming yourself with the right concept, all 5 steps, and the techniques within these steps, the odds do increase in your favor, the potential can shoot from zero straight to a ten! Thus, by using these 5 strategies it is more likely than not that men can indeed reverse a bad impression.

Step #1:

First, acknowledge to your self what the behavior was that you did that left the bad impression. Then, analyze with your own self how you make sense of this behavior in terms of specifically the role that you played, the choices that you made, not blaming another nor blaming “something”. Next, determine whether you believe  this behavior is inconsistent with who you think you typically are, and/or the man you wish to be, or is this the man that you really are. Consider if this type of behavior re-occurs often even though this is not how you see yourself nor wish to see yourself. Finally, consider how your behavior has affected this other person.

Important/The Key:

Be honest with yourself about the aforementioned as it is easy to trick ourselves into believing the very narrative that we create. Humans are quite skilled at fooling one’s own self to believe what we want to believe. Being truly honest with one’s self is the key to reversing a bad impression and true redemption.

Note To Men – Honesty:

Please, if upon being honest with yourself you determine that the behavior that left the bad impression that you displayed is consistent with who you are, do not sell a false set of goods to this woman of interest. If a potential love interest or current partner gives you a second chance due to who you are stating that you are, which in essence is based on an inaccurate description of the man that you really are – that is unacceptable men. Rather, choose to be a man of character. Let us all not only think about ourselves but think about how we impact others. So, if you determine that although you wish to be given a second chance, the bad impression that you gave will likely to happen again, and then again, and again because the behavior is consistent with who you typically are, then be honest with yourself and with her so she can choose whether you are a good fit for her or not, and whether she is vested in this journey with you. In this way you will also know whether all of who you are; the good and the not so great, fits for her. Remember, if you do not fit for her then certainly she is not a good fit for you. We all have strengths and weaknesses, the question is, is your weakness the behavior you displayed, or rather is it just simply (or not so simply) that you left a bad impression but that behavior is an anomaly and not your weakness?

Step #2:

First, apologize for your behavior directly to the person (potential love interest, current partner). With your apology it is imperative that you take full ownership of your behavior rather than pointing your finger at the other person, and certainly do not be defensive about your action/actions. A defensive response is typically received by others as an excuse and therefore the other person believes the behavior in question will happen again. That in and of itself leaves you with no opportunity for impression reversal and redemption. Next, share that this is not the man you believe yourself to be nor the man you consistently are. Then, state your desire to continue to grow as an individual to be the best man you can be. Further, explain that you want to be the best you can be for you and your personal developmental journey through life stating that we are all in a process of growth. Finally, state your desire to continue to grow on your life journey to be the best partner you can be, for you, for her, and for the enhancement in the now and future of the relationship. (Note: She may relay your sincere apology and desire to grow to her friends or family if you have left a bad impression on them as well. In some rare circumstances first apologize to her and then apologize to the friend or family is a needed piece of this redemption puzzle).

Step #3:

First, ask her if she is interested in offering you a second chance, the opportunity to display who you believe you are simply because her gut tells her that you are the man you believe yourself to be, and that the behavior in question does not define you. Clearly state in a warm way that this is truly her choice, you are hopeful she does not feel you are pressuring her. Explain that it is not that you deserve another chance nor are you entitled, rather, you are hopeful. Then, if she appears to be considering this, do know that now is your opportunity to clearly state your genuine belief in who you believe your more consistent self actually is as well as who you envision the man you desire to continue to enhance and grow to be. Furthermore, verbalize that you believe in yourself that you will meet and exceed your own desires and her hopes of what she genuinely deserves to have in a man and in a relationship.  Finally, be sure to clearly state your understanding that it will take time before she trusts and believes that the behavior she was witness to or heard about that left a bad impression was not the norm, and rather the behavioral traits she desires in you and who you believe yourself to be is indeed the norm.

Step #4:

Take Action:

Take action to display a different behavior that is in direct contrast to the behavioral complaint. Taking action is not a one time behavior change, rather it is about consistently displaying the desired behavior over time, and time and time again.

Remain Mindful:

Remain mindful of your thoughts, feelings, needs, and actions in order to continue to be successful. Remain mindful of how what you do and say impacts yourself and the woman you wish to continue to be with by remaining mindful of making wise choices.

Bottom Line: 

Consistent actions that are in direct contrast to the problem behavior and rather the behavior desired that is displayed over time will indeed out weigh the original impression. Thus, you have not only received the opportunity to reverse a bad impression, but you have truly and fully reversed the bad impression and have redeemed yourself.

Be yourself, hopefully that is the man that fits with the woman of who you wish to be with. If not, then you may wish to re-evaluate your choice to be with this woman. As important as it is to continue to grow and enhance one’s self over time, if you are not being who you are, then it is just a matter of time when the real you comes out and it is not just a bad impression that you then are confronted with.

Step #5:

Check in with yourself throughout your life journey to see if you believe you are consistently being the man you wish to be. Check in now and again with your love interest or current partner to see how she is feeling about the relationship. Certainly do not check in – in a needy suffocating non confident way, nor in a pressure inducing way, nor in a “see I told you I can be awesome” cocky sort of way. Rather, check in with her in a caring about whether her needs are being met way. Display consistent interest in her piece within the couple puzzle in terms of her needs and desires because you genuinely care.

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