Social Media PreNups – Hurt By Your Partner’s Post Or Told Not To Post

by Dr. Karen Ruskin on June 5, 2014

Can you believe it? Social Media Pre-Nups are indeed a real thing. In brief, that is; drawing up a document with your partner regarding what is acceptable to post via social media vs. what is not. Too many couples experience hurt due to something their partner posts via social media. In my work with men and women there are many examples of how social media is but a vessel of which to exacerbate an already existing relationship condition or spotlight their relationship problems. Just this week a woman shared her hurt with me expressing her partner verbalized for her not to post something. Also this week a man expressed to me his hurt that his x-partner posted something on Facebook. They are not alone, week after week I hear of social media “issues” – what she posted, what he posted, what I didn’t want her to post, what I didn’t want him to post . . .  

Don’t Post, Did Post = Trouble

If your partner, or your ‘x’ states for you not to post something (e.g., a picture of the 2 of you, a picture of you with his kids, a picture of them they feel is not flattering, airing your dirty laundry via the written word indicating problems in the relationship … the list goes on), or if your partner or ‘x’ posts something that triggers bad feelings (e.g., a picture of them with the person they had an affair with, a picture of them with their arms around someone else…), know that you are not alone!

Common Problem

As a marriage therapist, I will share with you that these problems have become so very common to where therapists as a whole can outwardly share many of the examples clients share, for it is not unique to them, it does not identify who they are in any way. That is how common the issue of hurt in attachment to social media posts or requests not to post has become. Not an issue unique to a particular client, rather issues common for many clients, like saying; I worked with a client this morning who has an alcohol addiction, or I worked with a client yesterday who is having communication issues with their spouse about parenting. Yes, that common. It was not too long ago that social media did not even exist, it has become an entity onto itself. As a therapist it is an interesting phenomena for social media to have become yet another “presenting problem” within a client’s menu of challenges to cope with.

Time.com

If you are interested in reading my interview in Time.com where Charlotte Alter interviewed me, I invite you to do so. It is quite informative as it discusses Social Media Pre-Nups, along with my analysis and insight into why being asked to not post hurts, and why a post can hurt.

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