Joe and Huggy are often referred to as “the regular guys”. On Saturday, May 21st at 3:30 pm THE relationship expert, your very own, Dr. Karen Ruskin, was summoned by these regular guys, to share my insights about the hot topic in the news as of late, and that is of course, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s affair with the housekeeper. If you have not already heard, to make matters abundantly worse, a child was born due to this infidelity. On air, live, Joe and Huggy asked an array of relevant questions to this marriage therapist. It was those very questions that many are wondering about and desire answers for. As always, I offered my direct style and shared real answers for real problems. I have summarized below a few of the key points made during this interview for your reading pleasure and educational experience.
Joe and Huggy shared their theory that this affair happened due to the theme of power. One of the key points I asserted was that power is consistently the focus and reason experts suggest why an affair happens. I shared during this interview, and shall thus bullet point for you now, my readers, power is not the main reason why powerful men cheat. There are men that are not in power that cheat as well and then the excuse many experts suggest is that they wanted power (e.g., remember the case of Jessie James and Sandra Bullock). Enough with the power excuse already I say. Rather, in the case of Arnold, the housekeeper was ‘there’, yes, she was there. The most common reason reported by men for cheating is that they do not feel attended to. Specifically the lack of feeling attended to, this lack of attention along with not feeling appreciated by their wife leads to a longing to feel that feeling, as it is a void. It is common to have someone in a person’s life that is around, simply ‘there’, that does display signs with consistency of attending to this person, attention, appreciation for. It is this reason why affairs often happen with the intern (e.g., Bill Clinton), the Au pair (e.g., Ethan Hawke), the family friend, the secretary, etc. It is the “regular guy” not just these famous men, it is the “regular women”, yes, not just men, that cheat. Arnold used to be a category onto his own self, now he simply is in a category that is not one to be proud of, the category known as; betrayers and cheaters.
When this marriage therapist was asked on The Joe and Huggy Show if passion being gone was the reason for cheating, I explained that in some marriages cheating happens even when there is passion and in other marriages there can be no passion and cheating does not happen. In essence, passion in and of itself may not be the determining factor as to whether cheating takes place.
Another question that was explored was how could Maria Shriver not have known. I explained that in a marriage you go into it and remain through out assuming your spouse is going to be trustworthy even in times when the marriage is not doing well, even during times when there are feelings of disconnection. Whatever is going on during the course of the journey of marriage there is a assumed trust in one’s spouse. It is trust that leads one to say to one’s self; “my spouse would not do that to me knowing how much it would hurt me”. The other scenario is that the wife suspects the husband of cheating, and confronts the husband, and the husband denies the philandering. This leads the wife to either choose to trust, or the wife investigates, has her eyes open, and spends time and energy during her marriage looking for proof that he is cheating.
Another topic addressed during this interview was the children and whether they are affected by a marital affair. Indeed, as a parenting expert I am here to share that the children are affected by this.
The fact that a child was born from this affair is another level of trauma to what is already so traumatic. During this interview I stated that this affair was not a “wham-bam-thank-you-mam” situation. For those of you that know Joe, he could not help but ask me to repeat that line stating how “hot” that sounded. And of course I replied that even in the midst of dialogue about the most traumatic of topics and circumstances Joe would find something hot.
The Joe and Huggy Show brings humor and chat from the perspective of “the regular guy” about hot topics in the news. Offering and including true education to the public by consulting with this expert is a great combination. As always, on demand listening is available. The Joe & Huggy Show airs every Saturday from noon until 4 pm.