Okay, so here you are and you want a quickie course in marriage and/or tips to help your relationship be healthy, happy, successful and stand the test of time? Whether you are newlyweds or have been together for more years than your fingers and toes combined, here is a brief article, to the point, that shares what you need to know if you are looking for a crash course in marital success. Are you ready for my 10 tips for a healthy marriage, or if you are not married but in a committed relationship? Here you go –
- Emotional, physical and sexual intimacy are the 3 legs of marriage with a stool top of healthy patterns of communication and trusting actions with consistency. So, take action! Don’t wait for your mate to initiate each of these 3 legs of a healthy relationship. Be mindful of what you can do each day. When it comes to communication and trust – these are the musts for the top of the stool for the 3 legs to even be able to stand. When any of these 5 ingredients mentioned are missing, the relationship is negatively affected and over time the one fuzzy strawberry corrodes another and another potentially leading to if not all 5, the overwhelming majority of the 5 ingredients becoming rotten. So, don’t let that happen. Is the cross over of metaphors confusing? Or did it make my point? Hopefully it made my point.
- Without friendship and mindful awareness of caring actions, support of the other person’s life journey, and consistently making the time and taking the time to do special things for the couple-hood growth, the couple erodes. It is imperative to be mindful of displaying with words and actions in such a way that one’s mate feels valued, special, and appreciated.
- Whether in the office with my clients in my practice where I am based in Massachusetts, whether providing case consultation to colleagues helping them in their work with couples, or in my book: Dr. Karen’s Marriage Manual, I share the importance of my marital philosophy that one must ‘water the plant of marriage‘. That means you must take ownership of what you can do each day for the health and wellness of the couple.
- When one’s mate is one’s dear friend and you theirs, it is a special connection to be nurtured and never taken for granted. Being a friend, a kind, caring and compassionate friend is an important part of the marriage, it is the soul and core of the marriage. Discover and continue to re-discover your friendship throughout your relationship journey.
- The choice to pay attention to one’s mate while personally growing, is a significant piece of the marital puzzle. For as we grow as individuals, it is also important for the couple-whole to grow as well. It is not uncommon for people to spend time on self growth/professional growth and forget about giving the time and energy into the couple growth. It is not uncommon to neglect paying attention to the life one’s mate is experiencing as an individual. Know what’s going on in your mate’s life. Not in a suffocating way, rather in an; I care about you and am vested in your personal journey kind of way.
- Apologize when you have made a mistake, and make sure you never make it again.
- Make healthy choices. Specifically, never commit adultery. Thoughts vs actions – is a big difference. Make the choice not to take action on such thoughts for ultimately you will gravely damage the couple and severely hurt your mate. If you are at a point in the relationship where you are considering cheating, get help. Go! Get marriage and/or relationship counseling where you can confront the relationship problems rather than ignoring them where they will continue to chip away at the couple. Another specific example in the department of making healthy choices; sobriety. I have seen far too many couples through the years where alcohol abuse and/or drugs destroys the couple and each person within the couple unit. I am sure there are other ‘make healthy choices’ examples you can come up with. These are two extremely important ones. Think of others and implement making a healthy choice rather than an unhealthy one.
- Date Your Mate. Dating your mate is a philosophy. When people are dating, often they are excited to see one another, they are interested in how each other are feeling and experiencing their day, they are attentive, they are affectionate, they are emotionally available and communicate with interest about the thoughts and feelings of their mate, etc… Indeed they spend quality time together, they come up with new and creative ways to spend time together, and they enjoy the simple things when spending time together. Although it is very important to spend quality time together, that is not enough. For often in marriages over time it is not uncommon for the relationship to become more of a business partnership (the business of the house, of parenting…), and the relationship side of the marriage, the passion for your mate (emotionally, verbally, physically, sexually) declines in it’s lack of attention. So, literally, yes date your mate, do fun things together and spend quality time together. And, hold the date your mate philosophy by being mindful of how people interact when they are dating that leads a person to fall in love, to feel wanted, loved and desired. Take action on that knowledge and live that reality.
- Be your mate’s biggest fan. Finding that special someone to grow with, to experience life with, to be proud of who they were and are and experience the love, desire and connection for and from is beautiful for those couples of whom I meet who have that. And for those who work on their marital growth, who desire to enhance what they had yesterday to be more tomorrow, to see the amazing journey and progress they make- is phenomenal that I have the pleasure to see that transformation in the work that I do. Having a shared life is more special than just simple words can say.
- Inspirational and motivational statements that one says to one’s self can help a person to take action in one’s life. Statements that are helpful tips to help one’s relationship, statements that is concrete personal advice, statements that help a person make positive shifts professionally – any and all affect the couple relationship. For one’s personal health and wellness affects the couple-whole, and the health of the couple affects one’s personal mental health. If you desire a tip a day for over 200 days that is practical do-able advice from me to you, I invite you to order your autographed copy of my newest book: 10 Seconds To Mental Health – 200+ Tips.
There’s my magic formula, well, there’s of course more (lol), but that’s a quickie 10 – for anyone who may be struggling or simply looking for enhancement. I hope these insights/my commentary touches your life in a positive way. If you are looking for more specific tips and tools that you can implement and see fast relationship results, if you desire further relationship and marital insights and top marriage questions answered including topics such as; infidelity, intimacy, and communication, I invite you to order your copy of my cutting edge marriage book, which truly is a guide book for marital and/or long lasting couple success: Dr. Karen’s Marriage Manual.