Are All Cross Dressers Gay? Transgender? Is It A Sexual Fetish?

Are all cross dressers gay? Transgender? Is cross dressing a sexual fetish? These are just but a few questions the public asks when they see a man who dresses in women’s clothes. With the recent celebrity gossip about Bruce Jenner and his wife Kris’s split – Star Magazine’s Adriane Schwartz called upon my expertise as a Marriage and Family Therapist to discuss. The focus of this particular interview was on cross dressing. As it has been in the news that Bruce is a cross dresser. Cover story for this upcoming week’s publication. Provided below you will find the answers to the most common misconceptions about cross dressing males. This is not an opinion blog nor an article of judgment. Rather, this blog article is here to set the record straight in bullet point format, based on my experience counseling couples, men, and women.

Cross Dressing- Let’s Set The Record Straight:

  • Cross dressing is more common than many realize, due to it is often done in secret since it is not accepted by society (e.g., female panties worn underneath a man’s work pants, in the privacy of one’s home). Business professionals, doctors, lawyers, blue collar or white collar . . . cross dressing does not exclude based on profession or financial status.
  • Although it is socially acceptable for women to wear men’s clothes it is not for men to wear women’s clothes. Therefore, men who are cross dressers are often viewed by others as deviant weirdo’s to stay away from, to be afraid of.
  • It is a myth to believe that all cross dressers are homosexual or bi-sexual. There are many cross dressers who are heterosexual men. It is those men who report they enjoy the feel of women’s clothes, the excitement of pushing the limits of societal acceptance, and/or enjoy the feel of risk taking (e.g., they could be caught).
  • It is a myth to believe all cross dressers includes a sexual component to the cross dressing. Some cross dressers only do it for the enjoyment of drag and there is not a sexual fetish aspect of it. Whereas other cross dressers are heterosexual males who cross dress as a part of a sexual fetish.
  • It is a common myth to believe that all cross dressers are transgender. Transgender is a term used for a person who experiences a lack of internal fit between their own gender identity and the gender roles made by society.
  • Transsexual is a person who does not identify with the sex they were assigned at birth. In essence, they believe their assigned sex is wrong. Cross dressing does not infer nor mean the person necessarily identifies as a transsexual. For some; yes, for others; no.
  • There are cross dressers who enjoy cross-play cross dressing where their female partner joins in on the cross dressing, whereas others do not partake in cross-play.
  • Cross dressing males commonly report they remember as far back as early childhood enjoying dressing in female clothes.
  • Cross dressers often find an increase in their desire to cross dress as they age. Often taking more risks in terms of where they wear female clothing, and how often, in contrast to their caution of not stepping out when they were younger.



58 thoughts on “Are All Cross Dressers Gay? Transgender? Is It A Sexual Fetish?”

  1. This is an extremely long comment (It contains my life’s story for better understanding of a cross dresser life.)——-I can vouch that this article is extremely accurate, I myself am a cross dresser and this is the first time I’ve seen an article that actually separates us from transgender and transsexual people. It is also true that it is only a sexual fetish for some. It’s actually more common to find heterosexual cross dressers rather than homosexuals or bisexuals cross dressers. In fact, I just entered the dating world, and let me tell you, I didn’t know I could love something as much as I love this girl. Here’s my story for a little more insight for those who may want an example.———- “My cross dressing started at age four when I accidentally wore my sisters underwear to school, I had always wondered what it would be like to wear girls clothing, especially since I was the only boy in the house with two sisters and a single mom, after the underwear incident I borrowed some of my sisters clothes when they were outside, when I put that outfit on I was mesmerized by how much more soft and free it was to my blue jeans, but I was an honest kid though, so I exchanged that outfit for my own, put it back and went to my mom and said ‘Mom, I like to dress up as a girl.’ My mom saw this as harmless ‘And it was’ so she let me dress, I wasn’t in school because we were having a break so I dressed on a daily basis. This changed my life more than I ever thought, after the age of six I stopped until I was about ten which brought me back to it, my mom wasn’t AS okay with it but she still brushed it off as a game, this didn’t go on as long, only until age eleven, which I then stopped until thirteen, I rarely got the chance to dress though because I had a step-dad at this point and he thought it was disgusting,my mom bent to his will and became close-minded so she didn’t like me doing it at all, I had to sneak clothes to try on for just a couple of minutes then return them before anyone noticed ‘I was caught a few times’ I kept doing what I could for the next five years, now at age seventeen, my mom and step-dad don’t have such a large say in what I can do, all they can do is make me stay in my room with it, recently my sister came to terms about this being a life choice, not a game, so whenever I stay at her apartment she doesn’t care that I cross dress.”———- I know there are those of you out there who are Christian who will say that the Bible says that cross dressing is a sin and anyone who does it is an abomination unto the Lord, you are correct, the Bible does say that, in Deuteronomy, in the Old Testament, which is not made for Baptist to follow “I don’t know about the other parts of Christianity”, I know this because I was talking to my youth pasture about it today, he said himself that Baptist does not follow the Old Testament, including Deuteronomy, no exceptions. Plus I have prayed to God about it, He has not said that I should not cross dress, he never gave an answer actually, but I’m sure being blessed with a wonderful girlfriend and some awesome best friends means He is keeping an eye on me. As for those of you who worry about going public with it because of social status, that will be your own personal choice, but remember this, if they can’t accept you for who you are, are they worth it? My best friends accepted me (That’s a reason why they’re so awesome.) And my biological Dad is fine with it (He even offered to give me clothes that his daughter doesn’t wear now.) But all in all it’s a gamble, I ended up pretty lucky, most at my church would understand and accept, my biological dad accepts me, my heavenly father accepts me, my sisters accept me, and my best friends accept me. The only ones who rejected me were my mom and step-dad (Made me sad for a while, but I got over it.) And I still have to get around to telling my girlfriend…… (Wish me luck that she doesn’t kill me.) Erm…. I should stop here before I end up writing a book. I hope this helps some lost souls in the hard path that is the life of a cross dresser.

    1. Hi C.J., Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story. I am so glad to hear that you feel my article is, as you worded it: “extremely accurate”, as per your own life experience. I always try my best to educate, even if it is not what others are sharing. As I tell-it-like-it-is, based upon my understanding in my work with real people.

      Thank you for your feedback, and again, for sharing your story.
      Dr. Karen Ruskin

    2. I respect your choice but as a woman ,I would like thé man I date to be upfront early on the relationship .Before I ‘m in love .Cross dressing is something i dont want in a mate .In a friend no problem .But in a partner Its a deal breaker . I hope your lady friend accept you as you are .We all must be our True self.

      1. I agree. cross dressing and masturbation was a big part of my soon to be ex sexual life. That is not why we are separating, many issues, though the fact that he didn’t tell me until years into our marriage and didn’t take into account it was a turn off for me, as much as it is a turn on for him, didn’t help. That goes with being selfish. I tried very hard to accept it, and went beyond my own comfort level to make him happy. That’s not good for any relationship. As you commented, we all need to be true to ourselves and being in a marriage means compromise.

      2. I see no problems with guys who love wearing women’s lingerie and clothing because I enjoy wearing women’s clothing and lingerie around home,i have to admit when i first dressed up it felt strange but also sexy and comfortable and very relaxing and much much more cooler than mens clothing

        1. Women’s apparel, especially lingerie is quite a bit more comfortable and feels exquisite against the bare skin. It seems like a double standard that women can wear men’s clothes and men can’t wear women’s things. I guess I really miss the decades past when women wore short skirts and pantyhose. Lingerie of course is impractical. High heels are uncomfortable. But that is precisely why people wear them. To look exotic and smooth and desirable.

    3. Now we are not all trannys or gay.i found wearing lingerie was more comfortable and relaxing. I started dressing up when it was 12 and i did a good job hiding the fact that i ws a secret closet dresser.for the first 5 years of being with my wife i had to hide it from her. We got on the meth one night in the bush she had cancer and we fooled around and i went to the car because I really wanted to be in women’s lingerie and clothing once i was dressed up i went back over to her and said does a dress suit me and she just smiled i sat with her and we talked i made out it was the first time I have ever put on women’s lingerie and clothing. We talked about her cancer and how the family were going to fight over everything so i told the wife that i would move after she dies and as for all your lingerie and clothing so i can keep you close to me im going to be keeping your lingerie and clothing and wear it my self i will dress up at home and wear lingerie under my clothing to work. Im going to be a closet crossdresser

  2. I have underwear fetish and cross dress sometimes. I came up a theory for the behavior. I am heterosexual and have high sex drive. I think crossdressing for some men originates from the nature of sexual behavior of men. The desire for wearing female clothes, especially sexy underwear, has the same origin as the impetus for sexual penetration. That’s why many men masturbate when wearing female clothes. Not sure if crossdressers all have high sex drive, which causes them to be able to be excited by things others find uninterested. Some may have special experience when little, but I cannot recall any for me.

    1. Many men masturbate when wearing female clothes you say. CD doesn’t see dressing up as a tool to gain excitement many just do it as they want to. Sex has nothing to do with it at all many will say this and is true. Think of it as a need. I do. I need to dress up as I want to now what happens if I stop myself I have inner tormoil and distress inside as I am not carrying out what I want to do and is right to do.

      I have underwear fetish and cross dress sometimes you say. Partly crossing dressing is called transvestite fetish when he/she CD to gain sexual excitement but does not want to go outside in the world and show everyone and some will wear clothing under the out gear to gain more excitement. Sexual drive objects you mention for some are a turn on others not.

  3. Hi I’ve got into x_ dressing, due to the love of stockings and suspenders, things, been no sex in my life for years, women don’t fancy me, I’m too tense and stressed.

    I do dress alone at night, for sexual pleasure, I usually masturbate, find it a release for me, I have met one other guy, and we wanked and kissed which gave me orgasm, thought it was lovely.

    Wish could meet others, I’m a carer for older parent, so trapped at home much of time, sometimes wish I could escape, got sister who never visits mum, its fallen on me month after boring month, I’ve become a carer and cleaner , no social life, no wonder I’ve turned weird, help Dave t.

    1. At first when I read your message I was thinking is this true? Was going to leave it and not reply but I will give a short replay just so I am of help.
      Please read what I have said before you have a Transvestite fetish which means you are only CD as a way of gaining sexual gratification from the things you have on. When you do the business its over the sexual excitement has gone away and you will pack up the clothes until next time.
      You need to get support for local government so you can have a break and enjoy your life and it sounds like if you don’t you will be depressed and have major problems. Personally you may be gay so maybe that’s why you find it so uncomfortable to be able to get on with girls or become stress out. That’s not an issue either.
      What you saying is your life style is and using what pleasure you have in a way of saying it’s a problem well its not clearly you have more to offer your problem is your life style and how to cope with aging parents but the answer is local government and other volunteer sectors will be able to help and clean the house and even give them a change of see someone new.
      See what gets me is everyone who part CD think they are a really CD when its clear they us clothing a the sex driver objects I like to think of it. Me I use them as I want to be someone I always wanted to be. See the different.

  4. Now lets me clear what is a true CD.
    TV or CD or dressing up is normal for many people in life. Just because you don’t know about it does not mean it never happens.

    What is Transvestite fetish? Very easy anyone who enjoys gaining sexual gravitation from item of clothing to gain excitement
    What is a really CD (sorry but I was going to say what is a really TV). This is a man or woman who feels totally complete as they want to dress up and not use it as a sexual drive as it has nothing to do with this at all.

  5. I started cross dressing when I was about 12. I would try on my sisters clothes. I would do it in privet and always wrestled with if it wrong for me to be doing it. When I got older I would but my own clothes as the urge got stronger. Over the years I would get rid of all my clothes telling myself I am going to quit only to have the urge build up so strong that I would start up again. Now I accept the fact that it is a part of me. I am married but have not told my wife. She knows I wear her panties but she is not aware of how much I desire to wear her dresses. I want to come out to her so badly but I am not sure how I should or what her reaction would be.
    That is my story, this is the first I have told it.
    Thank you

    1. My husband just recently told me about how he feels after 8 years of marriage, he feels he has a feminine side (swears he does not want a sex change). I was very upset at first, not mad just confused and upset as I misunderstood what he was telling me. Here is a little back story to our life’s. We have known each other our whole life’s, we dated for a few years back in Jr. High. I knew my husband was bisexual I have no problem with that as I myself am bisexual. When he first came to me about wanting to cross dress, he had said he thinks he may have gender dysphoria, he described what his feelings were and for some reason my brain went to thinking he wanted a sex change. I did research my entire 8 hour shift that night and wrote a 4 page letter and told him it may sound very selfish as I did not want to lose the man I fell in love with. We sat down on the couch and talked about how he really felt and to explain it a little better to me. The first words that came out of his mouth were “I do not want to become a woman; I don’t want to lose my member”. I felt so bad for the way I had taken what he was trying to tell me, I love my husband more than words could ever describe. We spent most of the day looking at shoes, clothes etc. as I work the graveyard shift, I told him if he really wanted to try it we would go shopping on my next day off. When that day came around, we waited for the mall to open (with covid everything opens later right now) and we went shopping, my husband is a slender man so it was hard to find women’s jeans that would fit him. We spent 5 hours walking around the mall and most of what we could find was “jeggings” he wanted actual jeans as they last longer, we finally found 2 pairs of jeans and a hand full of women’s panties that he liked and that would fit properly (hard to do as he is very well endowed). It has been a little hard to come to terms with the way he is as I am still a little confused and getting used to the new him. Since he told me how he really feels he has been a lot calmer, less depressed and just all around happier. I know that is a huge weight off of his shoulders and even bigger knowing that I his wife accept him for who he is, yes it is new to me and it was shocking when he told me but that will not change the fact that he is the love of my life, my soulmate, the father to my child, my one and only….. need I go on. Moral of the story don’t be afraid to tell your wife; it may take her by surprise but getting that weight off your chest is going to make you feel so much better and maybe even bring you and your wife closer. I know my husband and I have become closer, he’s like a barbie doll I can dress him up and do his makeup and nails and still at the end of the day crawl into bed with my husband!!!!!!!!!!

      Sorry for the rambling trying to word this at almost 3 am was not very easy without sounding selfish in some ways.

    2. Purging of your feminine clothes is typical. You want to stop. But the urge returns. It’s okay though because over time you end up wanting new exciting apparel. I love my high heels. Granted they are uncomfortable but nonetheless I always want more and prettier high heels. Pantyhose and panties can be worn in secret under pants. It’s a turn on because no one suspects. Enjoy your little fetish and in reality many men do it too.

  6. Hi Chloe, Thanks for your observations on my caring for aging parent, do go away once a year when my brother looks after mum.
    I get carers allowance, though minimal it helps, mum has carer for her washing\ shower each day.
    I do most things, cleaning, shopping, gardening, there nearly 24\7, go out to town for a beer or two twice a week or watch football in pub too.
    Now to my x_ dressing fetish, it’s happened because women don’t find me exciting enough, I can’t chat them up or make them laugh either.
    Lust after them obviously, I’m not gay at all, just a love of lingerie and lingerie, and sexy heels too, met admirer other week, he wanted to play with a CD, legs in nylons, thong, suspenders, kissing too, wanking and sucking me too, we were both very satisfied as we both orgasmed , thanks for your help Chloe, much appreciated, regards, davina\ dave x

  7. I have been crossdressing since I was 12. I thought I could get rid of it forever, but it came back. I live by myself and have lots of women clothes. When ever I get the urge, I will dress up and even some times go out to the grocery store. I decided that purging does not help. I just need to keep my goals and dreams in front of me and focus on my priorities and not let cding become an obsession.

  8. I know a guy through a mutual friend and we began seeing each other casually, since then I discovered he likes to cross dress and has an alter ego named Heather. He told me he does this because he wasn’t able to wear pretty clothes like his sister, who was adopted but several years after he had also been adopted. He says he isn’t gay but he spends all his time cooped up in his bedroom dressing up. He has terrible taste in clothes and shops a lot of tween fashion from cheap internet sites or department stores. He wears diapers under his pantyhose even when dressing in styles more age appropriate along with full makeup, wigs, latex breasts, and pantyhose. One time when I accidentally bumped up against his fake breasts he asked me if I wished they were real and I asked him why would I since I’m not sexually attracted to women. He has a computer picture display that plays a steady stream of pictures of women in various stages of dress and undress, which I find extremely rude but he says it’s okay because he watches them when he’s Heather so it shouldn’t bother me but he’s Heather 90 per cent of the time. There are also lots of stills on his computer photo display from an old TV show called the Brady Bunch and he binge watches the show along with lots of others from his childhood. He has started calling me his girlfriend and has become very resentful of my friends, but he is also extremely anti-social and never wants to go anywhere or do anything except sit inside watching TV with the shades drawn. Currently I’m living in the house he shares with his mother due to my financial situation and loss of my long term job, and I have no place else to go but I’m quite unhappy. He refuses to discuss anything with me but I feel there is some aberrant behavior that I’m not aware of, just as I wasn’t aware of other things when I took up residence here. I feel like I’ve been roped into a situation without being given a chance to honestly consider other options at the time. When he asks me if we are in a relationship or not, I don’t know what to say. I’m not attracted to him physically, and he’s never even tried to kiss me except for a peck on the cheek even though I’ve been in his house for over a year now. I can’t figure him out, does anyone out there have an idea what this could all mean? I do care about him but can’t imagine living the rest of my life this way in a loveless sexless situation alienated from the rest of the world without the possibility of ever knowing true happiness again but knowing that if I displease him I could end up in the street with no place to go. If I was working I could save money and move but I’ve been looking for a job for a long time, my savings are gone, and my car needs major repairs which I can’t afford.

    1. DT, I’m reading this like 10 months later. This sounds like a really hard situation for you. I feel really sorry for you. Have things changed for you at all for the better?

  9. I started crossdressing in my 10th year!I have a strong urge in wearing female clothes! Mostly inners! I used to do when no1 is at home! As I m an Indian, I used to love wearing sari by cing my mom! On the other hand, I used to love women! Precisely! I m a good cinema lover to! I used to admire heroines more than heroes! Upto 15 th year, I used to dress in inners, give pose in mirrors, feel like heroines! But predominantly loving women too on the other side! So, between 10 n 15 th year, I used to crosscheck on various ways about who I m whether I m straight or gay n used to think of sharing this to female frds or female relatives !
    In 15 th year, I got joined in hostel ! Everything went on nice, untill a boy who was my frd then (I dnt then accidentally or willing ly on night mastrubated me) I to responded but v never indulged in sex!
    In 17 th year, I got joined in graduation college!
    I used to admire girls predominantly their physic some times their dresses to but rare!
    As I came to know that , during my secondary education, that I was known as Crossdresser n it is pretty common!
    N I m straight because I used to get arousal by cing girls except that incident with male frd in the above!
    So I shared that I m Crossdresser n heterosexual to my female classmates !
    As v live in rural part of India, no1 even understood that n began to treat me as gay and was kept aside deliberately!
    In 19 th year, I got in touch with my aunt who was psychiatrist that I m Crossdresser! She said , me beta, it is purely unnatural!
    Firstly introspect urself whether it is harmonal deficiency or any sort of significant impact on u during childhood!
    I took time for a week n introspected n said that reason to my aunt I.e my name resembles a female name nearly ! I have a elder brother who used to tease me with that during my childhood n even my relatives mostly n that is to between 3 n 8 years! N through net mean while, I came to understand that 90% of subconscious mind develops during 1 to 6 years n it get registered what ever u r impacted during that period!
    She said ok n try to come out of crossdressing!

    I tried some days but it never went out from mind!
    My inner self said that it is not wrong being heterosexual crossdresser! N right people will understand u when u r right!

    Some days after I shared with my cousin sis that I m male to female Crossdresser!
    Sis gave me the feel that I m comforted being Crossdresser! N after deciding myself I m heterosexual crossdresser! I used to live happily ! But, as my graduation lasts for 4 years, my classmates stopped talking with me as one girl shared that I m Crossdresser to all boys n girls! In the class! I began to feel guilty n started to confuse again I m heterosexual crossdresser or gay again???

    One day, in this Jan, my sis asked me whether I m gay?
    N said feel free to share her!
    I said I m confused actually whether I m heterosexual crossdresser or gay! N said that incident to her what happened between me m my male frd in secondary education!!
    N sis said it is natural to be gay n there is no wrong in being gay! So I said my sis I need time !

    I took courage n eventually I said my mom that I need to go to a psychiatrist to know whether i m heterosexual crossdresser or gay or bisexual!
    On a fine day , I went to psychiatrist with my mom! She came to know my confusion n started firstly whether i had any sexual intercourse with that boy then?
    I said no , n she said that I m not gay n acknowledged the reason of crossdressing due to teasing of my brother n relatives in childhood! N said that come after few days!
    After few days, I went and said that psychiatrist the happening between that boy in secondary education n name that 2 to 3 nights I.e mutual mastrubating!
    N said that I m homosexual then!
    But then I m not convinced because at that moment I got arosual by cing psychiatrist bra strap n breast n buttocks part !
    So I introspected again for nearly a month and came to a conclusion that the reason for confusion is mainly because of people with whom I shared that I m Crossdresser! N their narrow minded Ness made me to think that I m heterosexual crossdresser or gay!

    Except that incident in my secondary education, with that boy in 2 or 3 nights randomly I never been that sexualized about men n that to he only prompted me more!

    From then , I admired n got sexual arousal by cing women from last 5 years!
    So I decided that I m heterosexual crossdresser!
    N I want to crossdress like women some times n also I m heterosexual!

    Madam, read my story , n give suggestions accordingly


    1. Thank you for such an inspiring story, K.S. You are truly a bro. Go be the best heterosexual cross dresser that you can be!

  10. Hello back when I was 9 I was being raised by my grandparents and My father was coming out every other weekend or so to see me. this one time he brought his girl friend out and she brought this soft knit dress as it was about September or October and there was a dance in the local town. Well for some reason I tried 2 times to wear that dress and I don’t really know why maybe because it was soft knit for 1957 and I wanted to know what it felt like against my skin or I wanted to be a women because thats who my father seemed to be paying more attention to in those days. I know that when I was watching TV all the cigarette and alcohol commercials Had women wearing sweaters over their breasts and I thought it looked quite sexy.So all my life I have been crossdressing using knits and furs to accentuate my large looking breasts. I currently wear an F cup bra and I fantasize to women that are wearing the same and drinking and a little tight. I am now 68 so this has been my whole life. I am not looking for anyone in particular. as my fantasies are all I need to keep my sex life Humming along just fine. SLF Thank you

  11. I’m a crossdressing Homosexual….. and have been all my life since I was about 8 or 9 years old. When I go out on my dates with men I dress as a woman. These are gay men who bi and gay.

    1. It’s perfectly acceptable to be bisexual or gsy these days. You are limiting yourself if you don’t at least experience something different. I understand why certain men dress in lingerie and heels. They identify with women and admire them. They may prefer effeminate men in beautiful lingerie because they have common interests.

  12. I’ve bren cross dressing since 1998 and I love it!!! The women’s clothes/bras/panties/slip feel so much better on me then my guy clothes. If women aren’t into this it’s their loss. This is reason I’ve never been married or had girlfriends. I’ve invested to much $$$ to purge as I don’t plan on quitting anytime soon.

  13. I have personally always been interested in the concept of crossdressing since I looked at a dress and thought that it looked cute and comfortable, the thing is I have never lived in areas that treat cross dressers very amicably – in fact in most area’s I’ve lived in if anyone found out I wouldn’t just be laughed at but in all likelihood assaulted… Which probably prompted this intrigue in the first place – I have always enjoyed pushing buttons. But I don’t really know where to start, I like woman’s clothing since there is a lot more freedom in it instead of the standard shirt and trouser combination and I like expressing myself in the way I dress though needless to say I don’t intend to go over the top I just like cute things.

  14. I’m just starting to enjoy cross dressing , something I have been afraid of before. My fetish for lingerie and heels has finally won out. So far so good .

  15. Melissa Attebery

    I appreciate that these comments are here. I’m a woman who is 38 and have been dressing in boy clothes (I’m just physically small) since I was ten, and my boyfriend feels prettier and sexier wearing pretty underthingies
    I was confused about his sexuality, and worried on it, but I realized that, duh, I’m not gay. He’s not gay. This is more about the sick joke of societal gender roles than it is about us.
    We’re in love.
    Thank you so much. <3

  16. Hello everyone, I have been crossdressing for 56yrs. As some of you have started wearing your sisters underware so did I. All through my years of doing this I always thought why was I born male ? Now, that question no one can answer but the man upstairs. I’m sure he had a reason. Anyway, I am now 70yrs old but I am very fortunate that I am from Spain and look about 48 to 50 with no wrinkles at all. My neck is just starting to sag slightly but not too bad. My underarms and leg hair is gone now. It just went away. I still shave my face every couple of days which has been like that ever since I started shaving, never could grow a beard. I am 5’6″ tall at 140lbs. I have kind of a hourglass figure but I use a little help in areas like hips and tummy and I am a perfect 34C. I have learned how to apply my makeup and everyone is different of course. I can go anywhere with no problem. I have been doing that for years. I can change my voice to almost sound female but just enough to get by. Please, do not use a falsetto voice. That definitely will not work at all. Go to a speech therapist for best results. YouTube is OK but don’t count on it unless your just lucky. It does take months to train your voice and I mean practice every day. No brakes if your serious about it. I’m almost their about 4 or 5 more months before I can say I really have a womans voice now. Don’t know why I waited so long to do it right. After all that said, all I would need to do now is the operation from male to female but unfortunately it’s way to expensive and you run the chance of other serious problems like infections not mentioning recover time and other problems which could accur.And then you have to be on hormone therapy.All I can tell everyone is the truth, life IS short. Enjoy the time you have left.The older you get the faster it goes. Maybe in my next life I’ll be born female and wanting to be male LOL.

  17. Yes your dead on. I just feel shame when i do it. I dont know why but it excites me. My wife found some stuff of mine and i panicked but then i told her truth and we are stronger than ever. Its just something i do. Causes no harm societys views on this is the root of my shame. I dont know why i care but i do. Anyways thanks for this your article is a perfect recreation of my feelings and events. Thanks so much

  18. I am a cross dresser and because of that I lost my family… My wife.. my kids… Everything my wife thought I was gay even tho I told her many times I am not… She didn’t believe me and she left… I was reading why I identify my self as a straight man and still have sex with men… It comes to be that I I’m not gay.. is just that my sexual fantasy or desires are different and I enjoy sex… Not being with a man or a girl… I guess I just like sex in any form… I am straight and I know it…. But when it comes to sex I really don’t care whether it’s a guy or girl…. I just want to please and enjoy it…. Most people won’t understand….

    1. That’s called bisexual. By definition. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with it, it’s perfectly fine. In fact, some women think it’s sexy for a man to be bisexual, just like some men think it’s sexy for a woman to be bisexual. If you don’t believe me, look up “slash fan fiction”, which is about bisexual and gay men, and written by women, for women.

  19. I cross dress, and have done for many years. It’s just normal for me to wear women’s bra panties and camisole under normal male clothing.. I think nothing of it. It’s normal!?
    If I go out and do shopping fully dressed as a woman……everyone I know likes ‘Gillian’.
    It’s nothing more than the boredom of men’s clothes. Sex doesn’t enter into it. It’s just that women’s clothes are more friendly and interesting and they make me feel different.
    I’m heterosexual and have no desire to be a woman. – I just want to look like one.
    It’s just entertainment for other people, and showing-off for me. An indulgence of femininity. Why should women get to wear pretty panties and men cannot? After all they’re only clothes. What’s everyone getting uptight about? or even commenting – ITS NORMAL ISN’T IT, FOR SOME MEN TO WEAR WOMENS CLOTHES?
    I’ve never considered it strange or offensive or straining convention? I just consider the clothes I wear as a mixture of nice men’s and even nicer women’s. I dress to how I’m feeling. Mostly male actually. Occasionally female…….the secret is not to offend or to over sexualise cross dressing. Be discrete.

    1. I know exactly how you feel, female clothes are so much more comfortable than men’s and so many more delicate designs.
      It’s a comfort thing and makes us feel at ease with ourselves

  20. Im a female and I live with my boyfriend about a year or less ago he asked me to set up his new phone. While installing his apps I got on his EBay account. I’m not sure what triggered me to do so but I did and went to his purchases. What I found was alarming to me because I never expected this at all. He is a very manly man. Purchases of female erotica clothing much to my surprise large sized for I am a small woman. Men’s erotica underwear thongs, erotica men singlets and female mesh some latex with openings jumpsuits. Cock rings. I started shaking feeling betrayed. I confronted him and he was embarrassed which triggered me to believe these were in fact for him or he was cheating. He promised he was not cheating. Our sex seemed to slow down prior to my discovery but this I never saw coming. He finally said he had been watching porn which also shocked me. Also said he bought the clothes for me, but like I said Im tiny and the things he purchased we Large-XL. I’m willing to have sex anytime. I find him so sexy. It was as if he was more interested in doing whatever he likes to do with himself instead. He never mentioned what he did though. Over a course of the next month or so I started snooping and found his little underwear with holes cut in them for his penis and balls. I’d find the cut pieces in the trash on top! Cock rings broken in our bed or on the bathroom floor! Today which is the first time I’ve snooped in 7 months or so and literally the night before he purchased strap on women’s breasts. I don’t know what to do. He got so mad when I confronted him. Says he is very attracted to me, but he wasn’t having sex with me, only sometimes. He has been lying to me but I leave him open to talk to me and he does not at all about this stuff. Like dirt under the rug. I have needs and apparently he has needs too just for him to be satisfied. I don’t get it.

    1. Also, don’t misunderstand me on I havnt confronted him yet on the latest purchase. Idk if I’m afraid of his response or reaction.

  21. He is scared to tell you the truth. I was married for 27 years before I ever told my wife the truth about cross dressing and my sexual desires for men. You guys have got to agree that you will still love each other and not shame each other no matter what your preferences are (including all kinks and fetishes). You have to agree that it’s ok to not like each others preferences. People change, tastes change but both partners have got to value their relationship enough to be honest even when it’s embarrassing and it might hurt the other. Once you both decide that the upside of being honest outweighs the downside of embarrassment you might have some success. This is really hard. My relationship hit rock bottom before I was able to take the risk of being honest. Maybe start with answering hypothetical questions such as what is the worst thing that can happen and defining it. You may find that the worst case scenario is not as bad as continuing to hide things. Luckily for me, my wife was able to accept me the way I am and forgive me for hiding this from her because she was sympathetic to the shame and her unwillingness to listen in the past. There is always fault on both sides, the key is to understand each other and be honest, this is the only way your relationship has any chance of improving and if that doesn’t work you at least have a chance of reconciling and moving on. Not communicating is not a good solution. Me & my wife communicate daily and often about everything now and can’t believe how dumb we were to just wrongly assume things because we were afraid to talk and find out the truth. The truth hurts but anything in life worth doing will often have a degree of pain. The uncomfortable conversations have been the most rewarding conversations because we now have a better and stronger relationship than we’ve ever had. I hope this helps. Live life with no regrets.

  22. There seems to be a lot of male cross dressers here so I wondered if anyone could give me some insight about how a male crossdresser might be thinking. For example I know this person and he does seem to be crossdressing in secret but his urges seem particularly strong since despite him feeling shameful he still sometimes catches himself doing it in public. Now this person is in his 50s and a feminine gay in demeanor and very rough and big physically and I have seen some pictures from his past and in many of those pictures he seems to be sporting some really unattended beard and scruff at times. He is very dark-haired and hairy too so with his beard he seems like one of those ISIS “fighters” and I kept wondering why he might be wearing that beard at times when it pretty much made him go light years far away from being pretty or delicate when other than that, he does seem to be always dressed neatly and in unisex delicate clothing and he himself does seem to dislike having as much dark hair as he does. Can anyone help me understand some reasons why he might be doing that? Might that be him trying to distance himself from crossdressing at those times or is that like a symptom of depressive episode or is that his way of punishing himself for not behaving according to what society wants from him or what? My second question is directed at everyone especially male crossdressers and I am not at all judging, just trying to understand. This person and all other male crossdressers I have heard of seemed to care so much about make up and clothes and appearances and accessories that often it seems like they care more about what someone is wearing than the person they’re talking to themselves. Are male crossdressers materialistic/shallow and only seeing people as models for those clothes? If yes does that mean if they see a woman who is not dressed up and is dressed casually or messy, they are going to humiliate and dislike that lady? I appreciate any help to make me understand such individuals better.

  23. I’ve had a strong interest in crossdressing ever since I was 12, when I tried my mother’s clothes on after school before she got home from work.

    But, from age 12 to 24, I never did it again because I didn’t have access to her, or my own, clothes to dress up in. At 24, I was living on my own for a couple of hey, and I started again. But, then I had a medical problem that drastically effected my life, and I had to move back in with my Mom. When she found out I was crossdressing, she flipped her kid. She saw it as disgusting, and not right.

    Now, I’m in my early 30s and I’m feeling very eager and desperate to restart with dressing up. I would LOVE to go outside en femme somewhere for the first time in my life. But, being stuck in my Mother’s house the way I am, I can’t even sneak a purchase without her noticing.

    I just don’t know what I can’t do


  25. I have been cross dressing since I was 6. My first encounter was my sister dressing me up as a girl before I was 6 as she always wanted a sister. I continued to dress as I found girls clothes more comfortable than men’s clothes. I had many girlfriends when growing up, but never told them about the way I was. when i met my wife to be at 16, I told her how I was and she gave me a pair of her panties. Through out our relationship/marriage she bought me many fem things from panties to high heels.
    when we had children I stopped dressing up for many years, but now they are grown up and left home i continue to dress as I feel more comfortable and relaxed while dressed fem.
    it’s never been a sexual thing but I do enjoy sex when I am dressed fem.
    The past couple of years my wife has gone off the idea of seeing me dressed, but she still lets me dress when I’m on my own, she has never let me out dressed up though, just in the house

  26. Hi; i have been dating with someone for 6 months; he is a CD; i totally accept it; dos not bother me at all; sometimes I also dress up with him; this makes him happy; I don’t mind; its fun. the problem is that he does not initiate having sex with me; it seems that I have to beg him to have sex with him; he is always reluctant; I have never had this experience with other guys that I have been dating; I like this guy and I want to have relationship with him; he hugs me and kisses me but don’t get further. when we have sex (very seldom; 1 time x month) its nice but I don’t understand why he does not initiate it; we live together and sleep in one bed; he says that he likes me and that I am sexy; why he does not want to have sex then? he always says that he is stress out and he needs to relax; but it has been for so many months; and I don’t think he is stress out; he seems relax to me. Can somebody help me understand what is going on?

  27. Also when I initiate having sex seems that he does not have a desire to start; I am reaching to a point that I am scared and feel uncomfortable to even talk about this; we discussed it a lot but the answer is the same: he says that he is attracted to me but the time is not right and he feels stressed out.

  28. I Xdress because it substitutes for female company. I adore women physically and spiritually. I seek to be around them. They are works of Art. I support their causes.
    But, the women whom I find attractive don’t seem to want to be around me.
    I am by nature a shy person and don’t have the “gift of gab.” I have decent features, but not possessed of “head-turning” looks.
    I’ve tried to compromise, but with frustrating bedroom moments in the 4 or 5 lifetime bedroom moments I’ve had at 70, I’ll do the next best thing–I’ll assume a dual identity.

  29. LOST,
    I’m reading this almost a year later and see you haven’t gotten a responce. Are you still facing the same difficultys?

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