Hillary Clinton Blames Political Adversaries For Husband’s Infidelity – Why Women Stay

Diane Blair’s disclosure of Hillary Clinton’s statements at the time of Bill’s infidelity is the topic being discussed in the news, and the topic of today’s blog. As a marriage therapist of 20+ years, Hillary’s rationale does not surprise me, as I have heard this style of acceptance many times before. It does though, concern me. When a woman blames a husband’s behavior on someone or some external event, it is this very act of making sense of his behavior from this lens that is severely problematic for women, enables the problem further thereby keeping cheating as a viable future option, and hurts marriages overall. Cheating is an epidemic and has been for quite some time. In this blog I will address 4 main points:

  1. Top 3 reasons why women stand by their man – Hillary is no exception.
  2. Hillary’s style of acceptance of Bill’s infidelity is representative of many women’s acceptance. This acceptance theme hurts women, men, marriage, and family.
  3. Powerful men cheat, this is not to be accepted. And… all types of men have the opportunity to cheat, it comes down to choice.
  4. Entitlement attitude.

  • Top 3 reasons why women stand by their man – Hillary is no exception.

My theory is one of R.E.M.! As a marriage therapist it has been my observation in speaking with women that those of whom have any 1 of R, E, or M in their philosophical view, will more likely stand by their man than not. When a woman possesses all 3 in terms of her belief system and thus the lens of which she views her husband, well then – hook, line, and sinker – that woman will indeed stand by her man.

1) R= Rationalization (When a woman rationalizes her husband’s behavior it often takes the form of blame of outside circumstances e.g, work’s fault, woman’s fault).
2) E= Energy (When a woman feels the energy/time she has already put into the relationship is of great significance along with a vision of what the woman wants out of the marriage, she does not wish to feel she wasted her energy and thus continues to put in more energy rather than ending the relationship).
3) M= Male Philosophy (When a woman’s philosophical belief regarding men is not one of placing them in high standards and expectations when it comes to loyalty/fidelity believing philosophically that most if not all men are flawed and when overwhelmed they will likely seek out another because it is in the male-makeup, the women with this philosophy will likely indeed stand by her man when he acts upon what she believes to be in his nature).

  • Hillary’s STYLE OF ACCEPTANCE of Bill’s infidelity is severely problematic for women, is destructive to the family unit, and ultimately destroys the future of marriage. 

Hillary calling Monica Lewinsky a “narcissistic loony tune” stating that Bill was driven to an affair by his “political adversaries” and the “loneliness of presidency” and her “failure as a wife” (according to the documentation of Hillary’s long time friend Diane Blair) – places the cheater in the victim role. First off, let’s not diagnose Monica as narcissistic. Secondly, listen up ladies- the moment you suggest that your husband was driven to an affair due to work related pressures, or more specifically another person/people (e.g., political adversaries) you are giving men your permission and acceptance to betray you (e.g., affairs, financially, emotionally…). Look out men- if you embrace this thinking that it’s not your fault if you cheat, rather it is the pressure of work, you are surely mistaken. As more women are in the work force who have pressures, and as we already see the rate of affairs for women has increased through the years, they will continue to increase as we as a culture come to acceptance of cheating by blaming external forces. Are we animals with no self control? Come on now! Of course there are triggers of which impact a person’s behavior. But… oh but indeed, let us not forget that we can chose how to act, how to handle life’s challenges and triggers. Nobody drives us to our behavior. We are the driver of our own car and where we take that car on our road of life.

  • Powerful men cheat- let’s just accept it! NOT!

Gingrich, Weiner, Clinton… what are the similar themes this marriage therapist sees?  NO, it’s not that these men are powerful, all types of men have the opportunity to cheat! The similar theme is the rationale of why the cheating occurred: VICTIM mentality. If woman or man views the cheater as a victim, cheating becomes accepted and will occur again and again and again. The only way for cheating to stop is to stop the rationalization/blame and rather take ownership that cheating is a choice!

  • Entitlement attitude. 

I want what I want when I want it so I give in to my needs, my wants, my emotions – is an attitude of entitlement. Dependency/not taking ownership of one’s own actions plays a part in this. E.g., I am overwhelmed emotionally by work, I am dependent on the behavior of others for my own behavior. I get to act this way, I am entitled to act this way because I am __________ (hurting, angry, sad, lonely, overwhelmed, …). Thus, this is an attitude of; I am not taking ownership of my own actions. It is the attitude of entitlement and not taking ownership of one’s own actions that allows one to chose to cheat with acceptance of this behavior.

Check out these other examples of a spouse not viewing their spouse’s behavior through the lens of choice, and rather blaming something external. Examples: a) Alcoholic- the wife stays because it’s the disease causing his drinking, b) Abuser- the wife stays because it’s his upbringing that caused his abusive behavior, c) Cheater- the wife stays because it’s his works fault, the pressure, the other woman – like Hillary said “narcissist” Lewinsky, “political adversaries”.

  • The Cheater Meter:

I invite you to take my test in my latest book; ‘Dr. Karen’s Marriage Manual’ to determine if your spouse is likely to have cheated or will cheat, as well as learn strategies for cheating prevention in The Cheater Meter, as discussed on FOX & Friends.

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