Many men and women struggle with evaluating whether the person they are dating is the person they want to spend the rest of their life with. If this is your struggle, you are not alone. For those unmarried out there, whether you have never been married or if you are divorced, you may wish to read the following.
If someone told you that there are 6 signs, 6 red flags, 6 indicators for you to know that your boyfriend or girlfriend may not be the best person for you to marry, would you want to know what those 6 signs are? If your answer to this question is yes, read further.
Note: If you feel any one or more of these 6 points describes the current relationship that you are in, it may or may not mean to you that your relationship must end, that is of course your decision to make. Certainly what is advisable for you is to take the time to re-evaluate your relationship and determine which of these 6 points and if any of these 6 points can be helped/improved upon so you can have a happy and fulfilling relationship. If you feel all 6 of these points describes your current relationship and has described your current relationship for as far back as you can recall, I would suggest that you go to therapy to help you to understand yourself better and explore why you have remained in such a relationship.
Are you ready?
The following are 6 red flags that your date may not be marriage material:
1. If your b/g-friend is not a fan of your children, in fact, your b/g-friend down right does not like your children, take the time to re-evaluate this relationship.
2. If your b/g-friend does not share a similar vision in terms of future goals, take the time to re-evaluate this relationship.
3. If you experience arguing as the consistent pattern of how the two of you dialogue/interact with one another, and/or if you feel like you have to walk on egg shells as the consistent pattern of your relationship dynamic because if you share your feelings you feel, more often then not, your voice will not be heard and/or your opinion will trigger an argument, take the time to re-evaluate this relationship.
4. If you have ever been hit, physically restricted, threatened, and/or forced to do something against your will by your b/g-friend, and/or if your b/g-friend is verbally abusive to you, take the time to re-evaluate this relationship.
5. If your b/g-friend is currently an alcoholic and/or drug abuser and is not willing to go for treatment, take the time to re-evaluate this relationship.
6. If you feel happier when you are not spending time with your b/g-friend then when you are with him/her – more often then not, take the time to re-evaluate this relationship.
The following is a Dr. Karen 3 step exercise to help you to help yourself determine if your boyfriend/girlfriend is marriage material:
1. Think about and list what the top 5 most important qualities are to you that the person that you choose to marry will possess.
2. Think about and list what the top 5 deal breaker qualities are that if your b/g-friend possesses, you would not be happy in a marital relationship with this person.
3. Ask yourself what qualities your current relationship has that are on each of those lists. Think about, decide, and write a number from 0-5 your rating of how often your b/g-friend does behave in a way that includes your deal breaker qualities. “0” represents; never and “5” represents; always. Do the same thing for the qualities that are important to you. Take the time to think about your answer to this question, it will help you to understand whether this person that you are with is marriage material for you.