Polyamory Vs Monogamy – The Debate

DebateOut.com called upon my experience as a Marriage Therapist to share my insights on the topic of polyamory vs monogamy. It seems as though there is a debate with some on one side of the fence in favor of polyamory as an acceptable lifestyle, and others who feel monogamy is the only way to be. Some question whether monogamy is realistic, if it is possible, if perhaps the reason why there are many marriages that fail is because we are somehow not meant to be monogamous. I am glad that DebateOut.com called upon my insights where I express that monogamy is a choice in which I believe to be a better structure for marital relationships. Although I am not a judge nor jury, I do have a perspective based upon the articulations and experiences couples and individuals have shared with me in my 20+ years as a therapist who specializes in relationship issues.

I invite you to check out this well written article by Gabriela Rivera-Morales, of which she accurately documented my statements per an interview between she and I. I enjoyed being a part of an interview knowing that different sides of the coin were going to be documented for this story. Here is the article for your reading pleasure: Is monogamy a better structure for romantic relationships? 

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1 thought on “Polyamory Vs Monogamy – The Debate”

  1. Pradeep Chatterjee

    Dear Dr. Ruskin,

    I would like to have your thoughts on relationships affected by endometriosis in women. It appears to be an age old problem that exists in women all over the world, characterized in part by their tendency to shun intimacy and/or love-making/intercourse in a otherwise healthy marriage. In the past such behavior was thought to arise from psychological issues. It was only in the previous year that the behavior has being recognized as a definitive medical condition. Please visit this link on BBC News from earlier this year:

    Here is a link from BBC news 2018 that describes the condition in case you are not familiar:
    BBC 29 Mar 2018


    Any form of intimacy and love-making is painful for her, and sufferers shun these activities most of the time.

    What should one do as a husband whose wife suffers from the condition? One cannot hold the wife at fault for having such a medical condition. Yet the norms of our society prevents the husband from fulfilling his needs for intimacy and intercourse, the most natural of desires in a healthy relationship, from outside the relationship. Can you take the lead in changing society’s/ women’s minds so that they can accept their husband’s infidelity because of their own condition?

    Best regards,


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